My loss...

It's been a long time since I've posted here and I typically feel like I'm rambling nonsense when I do. Please accept my apologies up front if that is how you interpret these thoughts.

Tonight I almost lost it. As I was researching songs for Advent I came across a blog with a list of contemporary songs that your church could sing. As I read through number 4 recommended a Gungor song titled The Fall. I was excited to look up the chords and eagerly grabbed my guitar to pick through this lovely song that I knew well. It was only after returning to the list that I read number 5 and I almost lost it. Recommended was This is Not the End by Gungor. I had to just keep telling my self no over and over not only to keep from crying but to also affirm the fact that I would not be gracing Advent worship with this song.

This is, in fact, close to the end for me. I have had one heck of a journey as a worship leader at Central Christian. Started from a small evening service, moved to the mornings, then moved to a bigger space, R&R was my life. We struggled through many adversities together. We laughed, cried, loved, and lived together. There were days that I struggled to be in worship, due to different circumstances, and mid way through worship God had moved in a way that all I could do was focus on worshipping him and his goodness.

On Sept 25th, 2016 R&R shared in it's last worship experience together. Appropriately chosen for a communion song, and ending song, we played This is Not the End almost as an anthem that we would not be silenced. A statement that no matter how you try to silence the drums during communion our style of worship would still exist.

My heart is heavy as I feel that I have let many people down. I have tendered my resignation as worship leader at Central. This is due the many differences, that are evident, in opinions and preferences about styles of worship during our new unified service of worship.

I want to take this space to apologize. I had wild hopes for the future of Central, including my involvement in it, and I let those hopes blind me to the truth that many others had already seen. I am sorry that I didn't resign sooner. I'm sorry that I put up false hope in others. I am sorry that I have let you down.

December 18 will be my last Sunday at Central as contemporary worship leader. While I expect this feeling of a burden lifted I am heavy hearted to wonder where my ministry will take me next. I also wonder when, if ever, I'll lead worship again? Undignified worship for God! I know in my heart that I will not, can not, stop worshipping.

At this time I am unsure where the future leads me. I will continue to pray for guidance and continue to listen for God's answers.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you supported what we did together in worship for God then I want to say to you, "I love you." My calling to lead others in worship would not have been fulfilled without you. I hope that we can worship together again soon.