Stop this train...

So here it is....

Stop this train
I wanna get off and go
home again
I can't take the speed
It's movin in
I know i cant
But honestly, won't someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it
Don't wanna see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that
Life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68
you'll renegotiate

Don't stop this train
Don't fall in bed and lose the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly
We'll never stop this train

Damn! I mean... really... Damn! Does that sum my life up in a nutshell? Probably not to the tee but sometimes I just want to make it stop. Go back to high school where my only worry was how much homework I was going to get and weather I was going to do it or not. So life goes on. Maybe it's my quarter-life crisis, considering that I have another one on the way. But what the hell, at least I'm young... ya know?

I guess the whole reason for this feeling in my life is this John Mayer cd... continuum. Don't get me wrong, I love the cd but it just makes you think. Kinda makes you realize that you aren't a kid anymore and now you have to fit in to this society that you will just disappear. And yeah a few will notice that you are gone... It's just really hard for me to grasp. This is all I know. Breathing, eating, drinking, & sleeping in this body. I have no idea what death is going to be like. It literally scares me!

I think the line in the song that gets to me the most is the one about the parents. I love my dad and mom so much and I hate to think that I'll have to go through some of my life without advise from them. It really wants to make me cry. And one day Addison and my other kid will have to go without Amanda and me. All I have to say is that I better go first. Because life without Amanda would be just.... well.... not life.

So I try to find hope in the fact that others have it a lot worse than me. I'm just ready for something to happen. I am excited that we find out the sex of the baby on monday the 16th.

I guess i'll stop rambling. Just thoughts of life. I will leave you with a really awesome quote by John Wayne that I have seen like 30 times in the last 2 weeks. "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyways." I just hope people feel that I lived up to this quote once I'm gone. PEACE!